


Distractions

by Lt_Cmdr_Scribbler



Series: Inconveniently Emotional Insomniacs [3]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Fideltin Rusk, But she's never been very good at repressing her emotions, F/M, Feelings, Rona's being illogical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6343399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lt_Cmdr_Scribbler/pseuds/Lt_Cmdr_Scribbler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither Rona or Fideltin know how to deal with these feelings, which leads to rather illogical outbursts.<br/>Formerly titled "Arguments In Not-Exactly Paradise"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distractions

Since their mission was so urgent, Rona didn't take time to rehabilitate herself on Tython. She really should have. Really, _really_ should have.

Rona had always been more emotional than a typical Jedi. Most of her masters hadn't been surprised, “given her heritage,” they'd said. Even her grandmother, the Barsen’thor of the Order, wasn't the most tranquil of Jedi either. But becoming a full Sith, even for just three months, could massively unbalance a person.

As such, Rona found that she was progressively spending her time exclusively either alone or with Fideltin. He didn't judge, he did not pity, and he didn't think she was broken, even when she got irrational and insisted that she was. He made her feel complete.

Too late, Rona realised what was happening. She was letting her emotions define her, the way she promised that they never would. She was becoming dependent on Fidel- on _Rusk_ so exclusively it was like she wasn't herself without him. The possibility scared her so much, she seriously contemplated taking _Scourge_ with her to Belsavis. Bringing Scourge could actually be logically justified, because who knew Sith better than Sith? The only way Rona could think to explain bringing Fi- _Rusk_ was that his fighting style and her own were the most compatible, and even that admitted to some kind of meaningful connection.

 _Not to mention the conversation we had the other day,_ Rona contemplated, huddled on her bed and holding a pillow to her chest.

Rona and Fideltin had been sitting in the cargo hold, both dressed in sleeveless grey tops and sweatpants. There was a bruise blooming a violent shade of violet on Fideltin’s left temple, and Rona was still professing apologies as she pressed a chilled bacta-pack onto his head.

Fideltin interrupted her with an embarrassed smile. “Ronadia, it's alright. I believe our downtime together has a positive impact on my battle-readiness. Our combat strategies are coordinated, and I'm fourteen point two percent more prepared in assist you in combat now.”

That warmed a part of her she didn't care to inspect. She was proud that she had finally gotten him her use her full first name during the day, but whenever he started talking about the percentages, Rona got a little lost. “What does that mean? How do you get these numbers, Rusk?”

“It's a statistical analysis of-” Fideltin cut himself off, perhaps a little embarrassed. Sheepishly, he continued, “Well, I won't bore you with the details. I've... well, I've had a lot of time to think. I'd forgotten what that was like. To just take time and...think.”

Rona smiled ruefully, and leaned against Fideltin so that they sat side-by-side. “It's good to relax while we can. There will be more fighting ahead.”

“I look forward to it.” There was a faraway look in Fideltin's eyes, and it thinly masked palpable sorrow. He shifted a bit, and his hand came to rest atop of Rona’s free hand. His grey skin was somewhat cooler than Rona’s, but she didn't let herself get distracted as she listened to Fideltin talk.“I've been thinking about my original squad. I haven't seen any of them since we liberated that POW camp. They seem to be on active duty, but I can't find any mention of commendations or recognition. They should be decorated soldiers.”

Rona frowned. “That is unusual, but if anyone could find them, it's us.”

“Us? Rona, you have you mission, and-”

“And my crew to take care of,” she looked at him sternly. “I’m helping you and that's that. You consider these people friends, and so I'm ready to help them whenever you need me.” Her brown eyes had become hard and uncompromising, with a fire burning behind them that Fideltin usually only saw when they were training.

Fideltin knew when to surrender, especially to Rona. “That would…be appreciated, Ronadia.”  
The issue must've bothered Fideltin more than he let on, because he stood up and began to pace. “Karsim, Naja, Eckerd...the whole squad's just vanished. They're most useful to the Republic deployed on the front. This doesn't make any sense to me, Ro.”

Rona folded her arms against the loss of body heat, and frowned at the situation and the fluttering in her stomach when Fideltin shortened her name further. “We’ll find them, Fideltin. If I have to pull a favour from Aunt Cal’edra, I promise that I will."

Fideltin blanched a little bit, still nervous in the face of the fact that his Jedi was the niece of Havoc Squad’s CO. “That shouldn't be necessary. They're most useful on the front lines, too.”

“I have to try to help, Fideltin.”

“I'm not saying I don't want you to,” he back-pedalled with a surprising amount of grace. “I just don't want you to get distracted from the bigger picture because of me.”

 _That's it_ , Rona thought viciously. She was sick and tired of him thinking that he didn't matter to her. There was always the bigger picture, she understood that, but it doesn't mean that he wasn't _in_ that picture. “If that's the case, then I should've left you on that frozen wasteland,” Rona spat, lacking the vehemence of an outburst, but her tone was rich with offended inflection. She stood up and strode out of the room, with a straight spine and not a hint of turning back.

In the present, Rona buried her head in a pillow. _Yeah_ , she thought sarcastically, _That went down well._

* * *

  
Fideltin wasn't very enthusiastic about how that conversation went, either.

Honestly, it had scared him a little. During that last minute, Rona had a look in her eyes that was disturbingly reminiscent of her short stint as a one-time Sith Lord. No, Fideltin thought, not exactly. She was angry, but not psychotic. It was more like she was frustrated and annoyed. Almost positively at him, but why? She had only gotten angry after he had said that she shouldn’t be distracted by him.

She cared. About him. A _lot_.

The realisation made Fideltin want to celebrate, as well as slam his face repeatedly into a bulkhead.

He honestly didn't know how much he cared about Ronadia. He knew that his chest felt light when she said is name. He knew that he wanted to help her when she was distressed, so much that it was a need. He knew that he was only distrustful of the doctor because he had been previously involved with Rona; Fideltin supposed that was jealousy.

What scared him was the he had never felt emotions like this, so he didn't know if this was... _that_ , or a higher form of friendship and camaraderie. Another count against the first possibility was that Fideltin didn't _look_ at Rona. At least, not the way the doctor looked at her. Fideltin found Rona beautiful, no doubt; he had almost forgotten how to speak the other day when she did something different with her hair. But he had never looked at a woman -or a man, or any other sentient being- like _that_ in his whole life. Fideltin just hadn't seen the point, and he still didn't.

However, if Fideltin knew one thing, it was how Rona acted when she was anxious. When she was anxious, she would lock herself away on her room for a day or two. The first place she would go after her days of solitude would be the galley, to make some tea. A small voice in his brain pointed out that knowing her so well could mean something, but he swatted the thought away. He couldn’t afford distractions.

Then it hit him. Distractions. Rona had reacted when he said that he didn’t want to distract her. “ _If that’s the case, then I should’ve left you on that frozen wasteland._ ” He distracted her. She took time out her life to notice him.

Maybe he _should_ hit a bulkhead once or twice.


End file.
